He doesn’t know how to use “the three seashells”???

Ever since I saw the movie “Demolition Man”, I’ve felt like there was something missing from my life.

No, not glow rods… though you’ve gotta admit, that’d be a GREAT item to have at parties. Who wouldn’t want to use a stun baton on their friends for some hearty laughs? Also, I’ve always wanted to have a car with “security foam” in it should I ever get in an accident. I think the only reason they haven’t made that stuff a reality yet is because people would crash their cars on purpose just to experience the joys of security foam.

Still, putting the glow rods, security foam and even fancy Taco Bells aside, there was one unanswered question from Demolition Man that has continued to haunt me for years. The mystery of the Three Seashells. For the uninformed, Demolition Man takes place in the future and, in addition to the aforementioned technological advancements, toilet paper has become a thing of the past. Instead, people in the future use three seashells. Don’t feel bad if this confuses you, Stallone never figured out how to use them in the movie either.

Thankfully, in a recent interview, Stallone says one of the writers explained to him the general gist of how one was supposed to use the three seashells when taking a dump. With this newfound knowledge, the guys at i-mockery.com have created this handy illustrated instructional guide which clearly explains how to use the three seashells. Yes indeed, all of your questions are finally about to be answered!

Now then, don’t you feel better knowing that when you visit a restroom in the future you won’t have to deal with the embarrassment of not understanding how to use the three seashells? Of course you do!

Thanks to “i-mockery.com” for the pic

I’ve blown a funny fuse…..

Seriously… last night i was in stitches… I watched an episode of South Park that rips the piss out of the WGA strike…. or as it was in SP….. the wGa strike (world Canadian association).

But not only this… the funniest thing you’ll see in ages… a room full of all the internet phenomenons fighting each other!!… See below….. SOUTH PARK ROCKS!!!

Check out Youtube and search for “South Park” “Internet” “Stars”…. I would link the vid but every time i do the barstuards keep taking em down 1 day after.

Who Lost ‘LOST’!

So who lost ‘Lost’…. and while we’re on the subject….Heroes…Prison Break….the Bionic Woman…Supernatural…. the list goes on!!… I’ll tell you who bloody lost them (or at least is partially responsible). The bloody Writers Guild of America and their fecking strike….!!!

The strike is over!!!….now give me back my TV shows… damn you!!!! Reducing the selection of what we watch to House… and er…. House… and ……………House!!!!!!!

Thank god Battlestar Galactica is back on the Air!!! David Eick has come thru and delivered… and from what I heard even BSG was at risk of being canned!!!!!!!

SOooooo the writer guild were striking….*sigh*… and it’s taken god knows how long to get sorted…. damn you WGA!!!… for the sake of a payrise lets put 1000s of peoples jobs on the line and destroy other peoples livlyhood…. what a crock of sh*t!!

At least there’s good news. Lost executive producer Carlton Cuse has said his team is “ready to make episodes quickly to try to fit in five more this season”.

So unlike Heroes and Prison Break we’re probably gonna get a reasonably sized season.

Three and Out: Review

So this home grown brit-flick works around the concept that if a London tube driver has 3 suicides in a week they get a huge 10 years salary payoff and are “retired”.

Mackenzie Crook’s train driver has had 2 people under his train in a week and is on a quest to find a willing suicidee to go splat on the central line!!

The plot then rotates around the suicidee redeeming himself with the family he ababndoned years ago ….. with the story focusing on everyday life, friendship and the “things that matter most”.

There’s been a lot of coverage on this film cos it involves people killing themselves…. however I think people who have seen the film will agree that the suicide portion of the film is a very small part and is not done in a comedy manner which is why it isn’t distasteful….

Other key plot hints i picked up from the film are:

1.) Tube Drivers get paid via cash in brown envelopes

2.) Northern Girls are easy and don’t care who you are as long as you’re new to the village.

3.) You can rent a suit and a Jag/Rolls for a whole weekend for less than £200 in cash.

4.) Disturbingly most women i’ve spoken to find Mackenzie Crook “dishy”… :S

All in all a good film…. go see it when it’s out on the 25th!!!!

Battlestar Galactica Season 4

So I watched the first ep of Battlestar Galactica - Season 4 over the weekend….. they certainly know how to make their fans pine for more…damn them!!! Whoever invented the phrase “to be continued……” should be shot!!!

So we’ve got 4 new cylons all aboard the Battlestar Galactica…. all of which will no doubt have different loyalties… plus Starbuck is back after being presumed dead for 2 months (though she thinks she’s been gone a few hours)… oh and Baltar now has his own cult that worship him like a prophet…..so it’s all go!!.

Let’s not forget that in BSG:Razor Kendra Jade heard the “old cylon pilot” warn that Starbuck was “the harbinger of doom for all mankind”….. I suspect this will become clear…. damnit….. i want to know now!!!

New Job!!! (Push it to the limit!)

So today marks day 10 of me working for myself and I have to say it’s panning out pretty well. Sure… I’m finding myself ploughing into work at weird hours cos the work needs to be done, but I’m cool with it because I’d say this is the most “stress free” I’ve been in ages. This is cos I know what the deal is with everything I’m working on ….and am in a position to get things done

So far I’ve been working on web consultancy for films, glamour models and model trains manufacturers. I’m also on the road to potentials in US Sports, Extreme sports and other avenues. Work is looking good and if I continue to get contracts like this I can see the business picking up and becoming UBER!!!

More on this as it comes!!!